drunk

British citizens must be photographed as drunk in their passports; requests governments of Turkey and

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

What's the difference between an Irish wedding

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

A drunk leprechaun was staggering home with a pint

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

A drunken man walks into a pub. Curious about the

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they

Knock, knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? Sorry,

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

You know you're in trouble when... 1. The McDonald's

Knock Knock Who's there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Yo mama's mama is such a fat, hairy, dumb, stank,

What is the difference between an Irish wedding

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde? A:

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk,

A drunk is driving through the city and his car

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

A man was walking down the street and on the

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

Your mama is so dumb when she was pulled over for

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start

A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to a man

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church,

Why do drunks throw up in the sewer? So homeless

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

You know you're a redneck when you wake up drunk

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders

10) Your mom. 9) Piss in the wind. 8) Spit straight

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says,

A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

How does one become stoned drunk? Drink

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's

1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in

1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and

There was a old man sitting on a bench outside

There was a man who would come home blind drunk

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde? A:

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke

A drunk guy is telling a bartender how much he

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

These three guys got together one day and were

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole

Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

To my darling wife: During the past year,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator

You might be a redneck if you ever got too drunk

You might be a redneck if you think loading the

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

    Every night after dinner, Merle

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. "The Law

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: *29

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour. 'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist. 'Why of course!' 'Good.

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

A man is in a bar and he gets really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: - Hello! - At what time does the

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem