during

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed,

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class: "Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses,

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

Yo mama's so dumb, she drowned during the wave

1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

How come the Taliban are not circumcised? It

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

An English guy was very ill and his son went to

10) You have to explain to most foreigners that

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

During his campaign, George W. Bush and his advisors

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

The way this game works is every time the word

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

Q: Did you hear about the narcoleptic priest?

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson

In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

The European Union commissioners have announced

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

Why do Mike Tyson's eyes tear during sex? Mace

Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?

Why are men so smart during sex? Cause they're

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

A guy applied for a job at a post office and got

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

(which in our society means over 25) An older

A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A couple went to church every week, but every

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for

This old guy goes into a church in a small town

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

Why are men the smartest during sex? Because

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

There were two blondes as roommates and they both

During his deposition Vernon Jordan was asked why

What did the psychotic gastroenterologist do to

Mr. Maxwell, the Founder/President of Maxwell House

Q: What does a blonde use for protection during

Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? Because

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. 2.

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

To my darling wife: During the past year,

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

Q: How do you make your wife scream during an orgasm?

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

Q. Why did the man put condoms on his ears during

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Similarities between the Titanic video and the

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A young couple were married and they were having

70-year-old George went for his annual physical.

    The curator of a Western art

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

    A herd of buffalo can only move

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's

There has been a recent discovery among archives

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

    The following information was

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

September 15     

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

How The French Military uniform evolved A long time ago, the British and French were at War. During

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed. One man's request

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a

California Vinters in the Napa Valley area. which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

1. What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's? Drool. 2. What do you get when you put 32

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members),

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour

One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,