enough

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"Grandpa says "Is

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

Robinson was notorious for finding the little loopholes that won him acquittals even in the most difficult

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

A boy and a girl in a PAP Kindergarden.The teacher gave the children some homework to do at home, and

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

A blonde and a brunette are in a bar. As they order

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

A husband is at home watching a football game when

1) Compassionativity is not a word. 2) Social

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

What do you call Osama bin Laden buried up to his

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

You know you're in trouble when... 1. The McDonald's

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

Taoism: Shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens,

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk,

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two

A man is away on business, at a convention for

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A redneck couple gets married and are on their

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

If your brains were a fart, there wouldn't be enough

Two robbers are talking in their shared jail cell:

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

There was an older man who'd married a younger

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

An old man went to the social security office to

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

A women came home one day with a mirror and told

Why did the chicken cross the road? Pat Buchanan

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A couple had been married for many years, and their

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

(which in our society means over 25) An older

Why do elephants have four feet? Because six

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

Men are always whining about how we women suffocate

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

How much calcium is in a woman's breast? Enough

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

There was a successful doctor who had an office

A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender

There was a man once that was always talking about

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Two,

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the

Q: What do you have when a lawyer's buried up to

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

There was a young country boy who was very bright.

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims,

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

Why do women pass less gas than men? Because

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

A milkman was delivering on his round when he came

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke,

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A women desperately looking for work goes into

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

A man staggers into an emergency room with two

    A businessman boards a flight

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

This guy is not getting along so well with his

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

    William and Mildred were married

    Psychologists have discovered

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

    'Twas the night before Christmas

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

An FM station has a competition where they ring

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day,

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength.

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year ! The Supreme Court has ruled that there

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dreaded disorder

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Men are like ....... Laxatives ...... They irritate the @#%$ out of you. Men are like ........

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

I live in Texas. I also have two friends that are blonde and sisters. One day, they approached

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all