enter

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

The British speech: "If you are ferocious in battle,

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

Q: What did Spock find in the Enterprise's toilet?

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Q: What''s the connection between The Star Trek

10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

There was a competition to cross the English channel

The American Dairy Association was so successful

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office.

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

A husband is at home watching a football game when

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Road rage: Who gives a BEEP! Why not raise a

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

Next on Entertainment Tonight, celebrity birthdays:

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

There was this hunk at a trade fair, flashing his

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

One day three dwarfs went walking and saw a sign

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate

There were five thousand Smurfs, and one Smurfette,

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

A construction worker on the third floor of a building

If you're an American when you enter the restroom

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely,

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge

There was a long line of souls before the gate

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race.

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

After an overnight flight to meet my father at

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

One time in heaven Saint Peter said to Jesus,

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

A man sees a growth coming out from the center

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

What does WIFE stand for? Washing, Ironing,

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department,

There are approximately two billion children (persons

What did the psychotic gastroenterologist do to

There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson,

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his.

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window

Did you hear about the blonde who was so stupid

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

Did you hear that former American Olympian Picabo

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?

A blonde goes into a world wide message center

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Q: What does the band now play when Clinton enters

    An elderly woman entered a large

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess: I have

A mink in the closet A Jaguar in the garage A tiger

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST

A WOMAN'S GUIDE WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING WHILE

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Tiger Woods     A couple were on

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

Yo Mama is so fat, that when she dances,

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

    A trucker who had driven his

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

There was a great loss today in the entertainment

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging

The perfect man is gentle, And never cruel or mean. He

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

    William and Mildred were married

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

An FM station has a competition where they ring

1. In the company of females, intercourse

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

September 15     

The wedding date was set and the groom's three

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics.

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered

This is important information just in case. Symptoms of the Bird Flu... The Center for Disease

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

Pedro was trying to get into the U.S.legally through Immigration. The Officer said "Pedro, you have

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

My wife of 14 years is convinced she has Mad Cow disease... ... After all, she had a fast food taco

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members),

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes