excuse

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. ,The defense attorney asked,

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse

A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a

Three men were in a sauna. An Italian, a German,

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

An English professor told her students that there

Women got off the Titanic first. Women can scare

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Bush happens Life is like a box of chocolates.

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because

One fine day in the middle of class at school,

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

One day a man was pissing in a public bathroom

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the

1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each

A policeman stops a motorist and says, ''Excuse

A blonde was standing outside a fast food store,

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

There was a young country boy who was very bright.

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

When an attractive young girl returned from her

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker go into a

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

    A couple go to Mexico City for

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

An old man from a far off land was once on the

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that

    Stupid people should have to

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit

Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment,

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he