expect

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

Military Joke What does marine stand for? Muscles

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

One day a teacher went into her class room and

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking.

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Q: What does an egg say after it's put in a bowl

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

You're so dumb, if I gave you a penny for your

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street

A man once went to a ten-dollar hooker. But he

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie

A blonde was filling out an application form for

    White House staffers were perplexed

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A young lady was standing in front of a shoe store

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

1) You define summer as three months of bad

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    For all you guys out there who

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

Our Rights: The following was written by State

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

California Vinters in the Napa Valley area. which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all,

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost