explain

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white

There were three astronauts an American, a Russian,

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

Why has the Enron scandal been so hard on ESL teachers? Because

According to a news report, a certain private school

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

Harry Potter and the Throbbing Muscle of Love Harry

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

10) You have to explain to most foreigners that

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

Bush was speaking at a High School, he was asked

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

One day, a farmer walked into a bar and asked the

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit

As usual, things were not going well at the United

A woman went into a department store and told the

From: General Manager To: Departmental

A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take

A blonde was driving across several states to go

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking

A couple had been married for many years, and their

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the

Three dicks are talking about what their owners

A women is getting married for her fourth time

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby,

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

There once was a very distraught woman, who was

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

There was a woman who was interested in getting

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went

A lady went to a plastic surgeon to see what he

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality

These two boys were talking about their sex lives

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

A blonde went to the dentist and the dentist told

There was a boss who was told by his boss that

A grade school teacher was asking students what

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A businessman was about to go on a long business

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

A couple took their young son for his first visit

    A couple go to Mexico City for

A milkman was delivering on his round when he came

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

A women desperately looking for work goes into

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

    A few months ago, there was

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's

An FM station has a competition where they ring

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

Last name: ________________ First name (check

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director "Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "One afternoon

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all,

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately

Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-coloured

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist,

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well