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Jokes

50th Wedding Anniversary

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

A Horny Superman

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

Bill and Hillary

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

Three Kicks

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

Nine Comments to Take Back

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

An tragedy, and accident, and a great loss

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

Xtreme Makeovers

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

Plastic Surgery Miracles

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

Change Up

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

Blank Willow

A man was walking through the forest, when he suddenly

For my next trick...

Q: Did you hear about the magic tractor? A: It

What Are Metaphors?

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

There was a farmer who grew watermelons.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

E-vil

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

A woman wearing a strapless gown and ...

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a

America has finally captured Saddam ...

America has finally captured Saddam Hussein! They

Name Those Tracks

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field

Soccer Blonde

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

Mad Cows

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says,

Splish Splash Through the Field

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

English Rugby

The England team's training session was delayed

Blonde Rows of Corn

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

One day Adam and Eve notice God...

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton...

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

How To Bathe A Cat

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Chicken on the Football Field

Why did the chicken run onto the football field? Because

Yogi Berra Quotes

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

Baseball Field

What goes all the way around a baseball field but

The Clever Famer

Q: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?

The Bear Hunter

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

Sex-Crazed Cock

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

Bubba Gets Smart

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

Gaptooth

The gap between your teeth is so big, I don't know

The Golden Fiddle

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

Grizzly Bear Warning

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently

He Has Four Balls

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

Rabbit Breakout

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find

Corny

Do you know what's corny? A field of corn!

Tyson's Manners

Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for

The Soldier

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

Tyson-Holyfield III

Promo: Yes, folks it was a bite to the finish.

Field Goal Block

Two guys are at their house. They decide to play

Punny Pun Pun

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Unwanted Fruit

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

Blonde in a Boat

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

A Cork Radio Station

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

69 Things to do in Wal-Mart

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Definition of Suspicious

What is the definition of suspicious? A nun

Holy Cow

One day the farmer walked out to his field to feed

That is a Curious Collar

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

Material Safety Data Sheet

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

Jets Fans, Beware

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The

Murphy's Laws of Combat

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

What A Wheat-y Blond Joke

Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle

Mad Cow!

There are two cows in a field. One says to the

Little Kid's Books

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

Stupid, Stupid People

      AT&T fired President John

Year 2000 Interview With Jesus

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

You Know You're From Michigan When...

1) You define summer as three months of bad

More True-Life Accounts of Stupidity

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

Things In Football That Sound Dirty -- But Aren't

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

Field Trip to the Racetrack

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

You're Probably Aged 23 to 28

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

Engineer vs. Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

Warning! Incredibly Harmful Virus!

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

MacGregor's Achievements

A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man

Philadelphia Eagles Schedule

September 15     

Blonde Rancher

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Good Quotes

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Bar Mitzvah

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second

The Duck and the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Bad Metaphors

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Muscular Man

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

Blonde Texan City Girl

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington Chair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill,

The Truth

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

Thirty Times

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

What Time Is It?

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

Wise Sayings

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Bear Alert

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish

High Urinals

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

Ten Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Home Game

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

Rules for Bank Robbers

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Panexa

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

Anthrax Scare

Green Bay, WI Monday, October 31, 2005 - Anthrax Scare At Lambeau Field Green Bay Packer football

Bob's Annual Review:

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works

Snake Model

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

What It Means To Be Poor

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose

World Series

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

Health Advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

Going to War

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

The Nail Above the Stall

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Quotes on Sex

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Backyard Archaeology

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

Time Tested

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Little Head

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

Yankee Test

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Educated Athletes?

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Twenty children's books you'll never see

You are different and that's bad. Pop goes the hamster......and other great microwave games. What

Analogies and Metaphors

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Redneck Mirror

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

Watermelons

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

Change of Underwear

The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, "I've got

IT vs. Sales

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

Little Indian Boy

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

Marriage One Liners

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

Blonde Boater - True Story

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

How to Clean your Mouse

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Louisiana Law

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

Clear as Black and White

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends

Run-down Farm

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

Animal Research

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Hot Air Baloon

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down