floor

- How do you define optimism? - A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday. - What is the diffrence

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw,

What a Woman Says:"This place is a mess! C'mon,You and I need to clean up.Your stuff is lying on the

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A blonde comes home and finds her mom dead on the

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

A drunken man walks into a pub. Curious about the

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

"Mommy, mommy! What a pretty dress!" "Shut-up.

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

What's grosser than gross? Ten babies in one mail

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the

Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

Why do blondes have one more brain cell than cows?

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

What did the rug say to the floor? I've got

A construction worker on the third floor of a building

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse

Q: Why doesn't Australia have any cheerleaders?

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely,

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

Once there was a blonde who really needed some

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

How many men does it take to mop a floor?

This Avon lady was out selling her wares. She

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

What do women and tile floors have in common?

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A women came home one day with a mirror and told

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

One Tequila... two Tequila... three tequila...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

10. SHE'S A GOBLIN! 9. I'D LIKE TO GET A LITTLE

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every

An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man:

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

Bill and Joe go into a hotel. The hotel has 100

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Q: What do a blonde and floor tiles have in common?

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon,

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.

It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be

10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the

Y'know yer a redneck, when someone yells "Hoedown!"

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

How can you tell when a blonde has been baking

One day a blonde was outside of her apartment on

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

A haggard old lady is riding in a posh hotel's

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

A father has three daughters that are all getting

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

What a woman says: “This place is a mess!

A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

Are you considering having children? To determine

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

You know your grandparents are doing it when... 10.

1. In the company of females, intercourse

Run one lap around the office at top speed

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." "He

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. "The Law

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. She

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lays on the bed but the old woman lays on the

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony,

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.