found

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

A guy went to a whore house for a piece of ass, but only had 5.00. The madam suggested that he go and

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

John was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"To

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger

An old man and a old woman met at an retirement

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head.

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

Yo mama is so poor, I saw her walking down the

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

There was this man walking on the beach and he

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

What did Harry Potter do when he found the three-headed

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer

Yo mama is so fat that when she bent over, they

One day, on a notice board, a message was written:

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

A man was walking down the beach when he found

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

A man was unemployed and bored, so he decided to

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved,

Three nuns were taking a walk one day. ''I was

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to

A man is away on business, at a convention for

Yo mama's so poor, I saw her walking down the street

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander,

Did you ever hear bout the crazy old man from Georgia?

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

One day while taking a walk outside of the White

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack.

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

There were three nuns talking and one nun said,

Why did the farmer sell his frog leg ranch?

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

You know about the 39 Heaven's Gate culters who

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

Three rednecks are talking about how stupid their

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

There was a man named Benny who loved to take

Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

There once was a captain of a ship, and everyday

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their

A couple had been married for many years, and their

Guys are so crazy... I told this guy that the

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Three men were walking down a street and found

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed

This mafia family was in need of a collection

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

A biker had been injured in an accident and was

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida

How do you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he

Once there lived a mother who had two sons who

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

There were three men who got stranded on an island.

Yo' mama so fat, she showered and found an old

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

There were three men in a bar. All three were

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house,

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

What did the woman do when she found out that her

One night, three guys are at a bar talking and

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

Did you hear about the guy they found dead with

Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department,

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

There was a chicken and a horse playing together

Mr. Maxwell, the Founder/President of Maxwell House

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

A little girl came home from school and told her

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags

A woman went camping and while she was out she

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

Did you hear why Oprah got arrested? Airport

Transcript of the actual radio conversation of

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip

A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

One day, Monica Lewinsky found a lamp. She rubbed

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

One day two girls were trying out for the school

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims,

A businessman was about to go on a long business

Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

When they made you, they broke the mold. Then,

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Q. Did you hear what the only thing the FBI found

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The following letters were taken from an actual

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

    Three nuns were talking. "I

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found

You know your grandparents are doing it when... 10.

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

A woman came up behind her husband while he was

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

Dear __________________________,    

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

    Dear Son,    

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her

A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

Recently someone was browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962),

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

A very disheveled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean acting, nasty in EVERY sense of the

Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says,

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

Well after all the witch hunts over the years by the French trying to prove he was using illegal substances.....they

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Lucrecia, was

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

The power mower was broken and wouldn't run. A lady kept hinting to her husband that he should get

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed,

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it

A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was just

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

Suddenly there was a mad uncontrolable burst of laughter and the team captain asked John if that was

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Colin was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

One day, Mom was cleaning junior's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed

A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should

There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk,

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so