front

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.As the couple reflected on

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk,

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

Yo mama so fat when she stepped in front of the

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

There is this old couple and they have been married

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

James was on the beach, and could not understand

There was a competition to cross the English channel

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

A drunken man walks into a pub. Curious about the

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

A husband is at home watching a football game when

What would be the difference between a dead rabbit

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

One day, an old lady went to the store to get some

A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain

You know you're in trouble when... 1. The McDonald's

What's the difference between a ska band and a

What's the difference between a dead possum in

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break,

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

How can you tell a plane is filled with actors? When

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot,

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

President George W. Bush decides it is time to

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A true friend stabs you in the front.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

You know you're in a redneck hotel when you phone

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way

Q: There is a house. The front is facing south

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

What's the difference between a dead skunk lying

Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he

There is this third grade class with this kid named

What's the difference between eating pussy and

You might be a redneck if your last pictures were

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt?

An old man and an old woman were sitting together

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

What's the difference between a dog barking on

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing

There was a guy on a golf course that he had never

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box

If your front porch collapses and kills more than

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there.

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

Why can Captain Kirk hear so well? Because

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

An old man went to the social security office to

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

One day a preacher goes to visit an elderly lady.

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

You might be a redneck if you let your 12 year

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

How do you make a woman blind? Put a windshield

After World War II, an American soldier was going

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one

Yo mama is like a casino -- liquor in the front,

Yo mama is so fat that she walked in front of the

THE DOCTOR because he says ''take your clothes

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone.

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

(which in our society means over 25) An older

You're so poor, I walk in your front door and I'm

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

A married couple was walking down the street when

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

How's a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front,

A woman goes over to her married son's house and

Ron Hextal, the Flyer's goalie, was so upset about

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian,

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very

One day as President Clinton was getting off the

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

How do you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in

Two golfers meet on the same golf course, on the

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth? A: The front

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke

1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly

If your wife is shouting at the front door and

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Dick's Bar: liquor in the front, poker in the back.

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

There were three blondes living together. Blonde

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets

What is 200 feet long and has no pubic hair?

An Amish couple had just been married and had gone

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the

Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver were both at a party

A man walking his son in the park one day came

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. 2.

What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

Why does a red light turn red? If you had to

There was this pot-head walking down a road when

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

A snake and a lawyer both got hit by a car. What's

A minister has just died and is standing in line

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

What's the difference between a woman and dog at

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

An old man and woman were married for years, even

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

An old man from a far off land was once on the

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

After several years of serving the church in a

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

    On preparing to return home

Are you considering having children? To determine

A young lady was standing in front of a shoe store

    A trucker who had driven his

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

    This is from a contest on Long

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

    One day a hunter was walking

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up

    Two explorers are flying over

    'Twas the night before Christmas

Run one lap around the office at top speed

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

Last name: ________________ First name (check

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

I believe that earlier this year the US Postal Service also issued a set of stamps featuring american

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

A man walks into a Doctors office and puts a note on the table in front of the Doctor. The note says:

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

As You May Already Know, It Is A Sin For A Taliban Male To See Any Woman Other Than His Wife Naked

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dreaded disorder

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Lucrecia, was

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Guy in Arkansas comes home to find two suitcases packed on his front porch. "What's goin' on honey?",

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Thought you might enjoy this message I received from one of my more politically oriented friends.....

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald wanted to have

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

Bob dies and goes to the pearly gates where he waits in line. As he draws closer he sees there are

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front.

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: "Boat for Sale".

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front.

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: "Morning

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells