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Jokes

Software update

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech

Hooker Finance

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans

High Birth Rate

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

The cute things they say to each other

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

Change of plan

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

Old Ghost Face

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

Little Sausage

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:"Your

Toothpaste

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

Special Code

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

My Bike

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

How do you know a guy is a virgin

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

Birthday

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Made in Japan

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

Flower Note

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

Which Feels Better

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoys sex more. The man

Custody

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

Martian

Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent

Marriage

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

Bull Auction

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

Each Had A Problem

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Cup Holder

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

Needs

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

Bored During Lunch

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Ask too many times

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Irish Pub Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

Democratic Light Bulb Replacement Policy

How many Democrats does it take to change a light

Military Jobs

Why is being in the military like getting a blow

Needs

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Mime Haiku

What''s that over there? Not a bull, but a person

None For You

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

Do it like mammals

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â

Blonde Luck

A Blonde was at a gumball machine. She put a quarter

Major Crackage

Q: Why was Oprah stopped at the airport? A: She

Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

Fast as You Can

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

Things Couldn't Be Nurse

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

What's the best part about gardening?

What's the best part of gardening? Getting down

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

Three men had been stuck on an island...

Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years. Just

A Brunette a red head and a blonde were in ...

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail

Unbearable Lightness of Being

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees ...

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President

First Class

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the

Corn Hole

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

Benifits of Being an Athiest

A very religious man lived right next door to an

Seminars For Men

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

A guy came home one day after getting fired ...

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

Famous People Say the Darndest Things

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Nursing Home Chit Chat

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior

Santa Claus is a Woman

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

The Birds, The Bees, The Bushettes

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

What's Up Doc?

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking

Blonde Rows of Corn

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

Bush is a Puppet?

President George W. Bush was getting angry about

Bush at the Wheel

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

Senior Golf Logic

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with

Moses Meets Dubya

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One

69 Virgin

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

How To Bathe A Cat

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Drug Used to Seduce Men

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

Mouse Hole

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

NOAH's ARK - A Modern Tale

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Top 11 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll

My First Sexual Experience

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

Having a Beer With Your Brothers

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The Deserted Island

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

Birth Signs

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Gynecologist Grease Monkey

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

25 Fun Pool Activities

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Airplane Small Talk

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

Don't Drink And Not Drive

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

Yo Mama's Like a Brick

Yo mama is like a brick -- she is always getting

Botched Robbery

Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them

Sonny, Got Any Viagra?

An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two

Stewed Tomatoes

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

Circumcision... At Your Age?

Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are

Jumping Rope

Two teenagers were walking through a park when

Three Dogs at the Vet

There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,

Southern Values

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

Skin Sculpture

One day, a man went into the doctor because he

Switcheroo

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

Sex-Crazed Cock

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

Night Of The Living Dead

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The

Please Grab!

A woman went into a department store and told the

Satisfaction

There was an older man who'd married a younger

Girl's Best Friend

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

Blonde Ice Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting

The True Story

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

Showers: Men Vs. Women

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Rotten Reggie

There is this third grade class with this kid named

Sanitary Blonde

A blonde was driving across several states to go

Rooster in His Declining Years

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

Rump Roastin'

Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into

Hot 'n' Heavy

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her

Your Chest Is So Flat

Your chest is so flat, the walls are getting jealous.

It's A Family Thing

"When you getting married to your girlfriend?" "I

Dirty Jokes and Beer

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

Daddy's Weight-Loss Program

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

Forgetful Minds

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

Monster.com

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

This Farm Boy Goes Into a Whorehouse...

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

Before It Starts

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

Ten Things to Do in a Public Bathroom

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

Streisand Gives Good Head

What is the best thing about getting head from

Rating Your Christmas Party

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

Sex and Air

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're

The Stupid Nomad

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

Sex Ed

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach

The Prom Dress

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

Gas Grill

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

Three Men and a Bed

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there

Three Types of Sex

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

Smart Pills

One day two boys were walking through the woods

A Small Journey Through Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to

Martian Sex

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

Geriatric One-Nighter

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

George of the Jungle

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

Good, Bad, Worse

Good: Your children are sexually active. Bad: With

Loose Constructionists

A road consturction manager needed to hire someone

Fishin' or Buggery?

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

City Girls and Country Boys

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Bar: Guy and a Picture of a Hottie

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders

Yo Mama's So Fat... Restaurant

Your mama is so fat that when she goes to a restaurant,

Froggie Proposal

A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch

Turtles and Picnics and a Minor Tragedy

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

Astrological Signs

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Jesus wants to be Arnold Palmer

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

Blind Man & Nuns

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

Getting Any on the Side?

Joe was asked at work if he was getting any on

Clinton and AIDS

Most wives whose husbands fool around have to

Fun With Cops

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Doing The Washing

A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it

The Golfer

The was a man named George who got a new job.

Retired Sailor

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and

Boudreaux and Pedro

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

Lady At the Bar

There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted

Blonde Lightning Storm

Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?

The Twinkie Joke

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop

Cheap Cat

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

Your Profession and Your Libido

A women is getting married for her fourth time

Who Was That Masked Man?

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

The Cannibals Eat Out

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.

The Day After Thanksgiving

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

Trade Talks

One day as President Clinton was getting off the

The Proxy Father

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

The Bus Driver

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

Scooby Doo

There was a woman who was interested in getting

The Three Ugly Ducklings

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

Eat Your Vegetables, Kids

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The Chinese Workman

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

Signs Your Mate is Having Cyber Sex

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

Obnoxious Pool Fun

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

The Blue Eye

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Recruiting for a New Pope

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican

Vile

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

The Tomato Family

The Tomato family is walking down the street. There's

Hold Me

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Muffin Diver

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The

American in Mexico

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and

Who Knocked Up My Bear?

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

SF Pregnancy Rate

Q: What's in the air in San Francisco that keeps

Top 10 Country Music Titles

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns

Boyfriend, Granpa and Rover

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is

The 20 Disses

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

The Wrinkled Nightgown

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary,

Lightning Blonde

Why does a blonde smile at lightning? She

Midget Shmidget

Did you hear about the midget that went to a

Signs You've Had Enough of the New Millenium

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Annoying Boy on Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

Something Borrowed, Something Blew

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to

Stone Surprise

One day there were two boys playing by a stream

12 Days of Christmas

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Three Blondes

There were three blondes living together. Blonde

Bob and the Asshole

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Get Your Ire Up

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

Tootsie Roll Pop

What's the similarity between a tootsie roll pop

The Blonde and the Zipper

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

A Paratrooper's First Jump

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

Getting Flowers

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street

The Government's a Prostitute

Why is the government like a prostitute? You're

Snow White

Why is Snow White always getting mad at the seven

Ghost story for tots

A football player walked into a motel on a rainy

3 Flies in a Bathroom

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

The Misprinted Money Melee

This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill

The Great Hunter

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

Don't Kick the Animals, Man

A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his

Twinkie

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

The Royal Honeymoon

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie

Breast Enlargement Home Kit

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

A Girl Named Happy Butt

It was this little girl's first day of school and

Signs That You are Too Drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

Pickup Truck Full of Blondes

Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.

Marital Mirth

A couple was getting ready to go out to celebrate

Ah, Fugettaboudit

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

PC Three Little Pigs

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

Golfing With The Mob

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting

Shipwreck'd

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

Dragons

A father has three daughters that are all getting

Laugh Lines

Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at

Eat Your Vegetables

What's the difficult thing about eating vegetables?

10

What is 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1? Bo Derek getting

Yo Mama's So Slutty

Yo' mama so slutty she heard Santa say, "ho ho

Corn Flakes

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

The Local Strip Club

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

Gone Fishin'

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

Airy Sex

Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it's

You Might Be A Redneck If...Dishwasher

You might be a redneck if you think loading the

The New Harley

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Women Education Courses

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

Geriatric Sex

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

Japanese Banking Disasters

    According to inside contacts,

Mirror, mirror

A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved

Drunk at Your Door

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

Little Kid's Books

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

Daily Affirmations

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Not What The Doctor Ordered

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

Adult Education

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Old Ladies' Noggins

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting

Signs That You're A Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

The Same Thought

Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One

Translating Male Phrases

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Strange Bed Fellows

There are three men in a hotel each wanting

Wheelchair Speed Demon

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

Mama mia, what's a honeymoon?

    Two Italian virgins get married

Randy Rooster

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

Coming From All Directions...

    A trucker who had driven his

The Talented Parrot

This guy is not getting along so well with his

Wacky News of the World

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

Dumb Crooks Roundup

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

An APB on God

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

Man, Wife and Circus tent

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

West Virginia Custody Battle

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

Instant-Win Airbags!

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

Clinton's Favorite Things

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

Working On The Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting

Do You Have A Light?

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

Six Feet Under The Sheets

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

Childhood Of Yore

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

Survival of the Fittest Brain Cells

    A herd of buffalo can only move

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner...

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

Mmmmmmmilk

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

Merle Goes Out Drinking Every Night...

    Every night after dinner, Merle

Confused Child in Wedding Party

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

The Army Hospital

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits

Closest Shave Ever

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting

Priest's First Mass

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

Chemistry, Duke and Bonkistry

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

The 12 Days of Christmas

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

Full of Wool

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

Monica's Diary

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

Philosophy

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Framed

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

Bubbles and Barbie

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

White Zinfandel

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

Dear Landlord

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Accident

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

Eyes of the Beholder

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client

The Senator

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Gone Hunting

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

Healthier

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

No Sleep

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

Janitor or Millionaire

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

Hired Hand

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

Seeing the Doctor

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His

Guess Who

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

The Barber Shop

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

Man + Woman

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

Stuttering Salesman

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

The Elderly Couple

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

Really Bad Day

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

If Airlines Sold Paint

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

AARP Banners

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

City Boy

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

Irish Transportation

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod

MIT's Course Evaluations for Fall, 1991

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

Having Fun with a Telemarketer

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Pregnant Blonde

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

Barbecue

A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife and says

Six Feet

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

Ah So True

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.

First Cut is the Deepest

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were

Valentines Day

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

A Modern Day Parable

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

Senior Thoughts

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---

Female Compassion

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

Fridays

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

Misunderstanding

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

The Druggist

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Sweetness Of Married Life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Bush Bumper Stickers

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

Construction Site

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

Home Depot

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

Pick Up Lines, Part 2

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

First Drink

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

The Pope

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

Wise Sayings

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Hot Water

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Reviews of Hillary's New Book

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may

Why Girls Should'nt Get a Tattoo

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with

Career Choices

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

Golden Urinal

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

Washington Post

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

The Evils of Marijuana

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite

I am a Father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

Auction

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this

Little Cussing Johnny

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

One Out of Ten

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

Sunday School

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting

Love, Lust and Marriage

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

New Las Vegas Slogans

"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here

Tetanus Shot

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

Childhood Sweethearts

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

Make Me a Virgin

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

The $100 Tattoo

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

If Airlines Sold Paint . . .

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Old Is When...

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

Things You Can't Say With a Hallmark Card

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

Noah in America

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Fidel Castro

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

A Dog's Life

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Letter to the IRS

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

Selling Bibles

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

Bear in the Woods

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

A Trim and A Shave

While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has

Bad Habits

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