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One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one

Three men, an American, an Arab, and a Chinese

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord

A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards

How come the Taliban are not circumcised? It

Road rage: Who gives a BEEP! Why not raise a

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's

What is grosser than gross? Having sex with a

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven,

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes? Gives

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor

A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

There was this guy who always went out drinking

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down

A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor's office

Three guys go to a hotel. They tell the man behind

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

There was this little boy who had no name. One

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

This old lady went to a doctor's office and told

There was this Indian chief who was straining to

What do you call a nice female midget who gives

I'm glad you're short. It gives me less to complain

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

There once was a toad who was a bit different than

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

A man goes into a sperm bank and says, "I'd like

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

Q: How do you know who gives good blow jobs?

A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor,

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

This guy is not getting along so well with his

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The teams performance soars. They

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She says, "You've got

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dreaded disorder

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter,

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem