gonna

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing tothe roof. Firemen are on

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school

Q: What did the gay midget doctor say to his patient? A:

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple

10. You look like a hooker I knew in Phoenix. 9.

What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet? We're

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll

Bob just moved from New York City to Alabama. He

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

What does a guy say when he's going to masturbate?

What's the difference between a Northern and a

This guy hears that there's good bear hunting up

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks

There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy,

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the

"Hey, there's a dikfer on your forehead?" "A what?" "A

Once there was a sperm named Stanley. When all

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start

A man walks into a barber shop with his daughter.

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

I'm gonna tell you a joke that'll make your tits

Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

Why wouldn't the members of N'Sync join the cast

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

Did you hear about the FedEx-UPS merger? The

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

A little boy was in his room playing with himself,

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one

Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

A man sees a growth coming out from the center

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

There was a father and son who went on a fishing

These two friends are about to go to a club. One

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

The privacy partition in the confessional booth

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

Whitehouse aide to Clinton: "What are we gonna

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor

There was a boss who was told by his boss that

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims,

There was a little boy who got up one morning and

A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear. After

There were three men working at the top of a building.

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

A young couple were married and they were having

A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

    What to not say to the nice

    Marol spent her wedding night

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth. The redhead turns

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to ride

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is

A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist, so everyone will

Three ladies sitting in a doctors office. One says "I'm gonna have a boy cause my husband was on

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well