happy

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Q: What's red, white and blue and makes the entire

Q: What's red, white and blue and makes the entire

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

1. "You get this round and the next round is on

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington,

Knock, knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? Sorry,

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

A mother goes to visit her daughter. She walks

The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous,

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

A man had a habit of buying things immediately

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

One day the king of a fairly large country was

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

I've fucked in the sun, I've fucked in the rain.

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

Do you know why Santa is always so happy? Because

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

A couple had been married for many years, and their

A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch

How much do I owe yo mama? My dog came home happy

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's.

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

A man walks into the ice cream shop with his three

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

The Seven Dwarfs were sitting in a tub feeling

Why was the rooster so unhappy? Because

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

I just got a skylight put into my place -- the

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

There was a successful doctor who had an office

How can you tell if a man is happy ? Who cares!

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

It was this little girl's first day of school and

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

Two sperm are walking down the street. How do

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

The following letters were taken from an actual

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

Are you considering having children? To determine

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

    Marol spent her wedding night

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

Two church members were going door to door, and

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

    For all you guys out there who

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

One beautiful December evening Pepito and his girlfriend Pepita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

A wife reports, My Husband, not happy with my mood swings so he bought me a mood ring the other day

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!

A chemistry instructor wanted to teach his ninth grade class about the evils of liquor, so he created

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the