having

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've

3 Men are walking through the jungle when they are captured by native tribesman. The tribesman take the

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts."Say, what's your

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoys sex more. The man

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said,

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A guy goes to his doctor because heââ,¬â"¢s

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

Yo mama so fat instead of having lint in her belly

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one

Yo mama's head so big, instead of having dreams

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

Why can't you hear bunnies having sex? Because

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

How do you know when a blondes been having a bad

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

There was an American man that had an meeting in

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

You know you''re having a bad day when your twin

A young mother was having a consultation with a

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

What is grosser than gross? Having sex with a

What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

Cinderella was having her period and couldn't go

10) You have to explain to most foreigners that

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old

What does Brooke Gordon do when she gets done shaving

Yo mama's so fat, she got busted in the airport

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to

A little boy and his father are walking down the

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at

Q: How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

How does a blonde turn the light on after having

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

There was an older man who'd married a younger

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

A lady walked into a bar and there were no seats

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

What do you call three hippies having a yard sale?

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

What's worse than having termites in your piano?

There was a little boy and a little girl in a

A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married

Why do women have sex with their eyes closed?

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's

What's the similarity between American beer and

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A missionary has spent years teaching agriculture

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation.

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach

There was a man named Benny who loved to take

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

What do you call two cannibals having oral sex?

A man who was having heart trouble went to the

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen

A lady walks into a bar and says,'' Barkeep, gimme

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

A husband and wife were having some problems in

(which in our society means over 25) An older

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

Q: How can you tell Michael Jackson's having an

There's a man in the prison hospital on death row

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

There was a man who just got out of the army.

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

A guy comes home early one day from work. And

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

A woman woke up in the middle of the night and

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot

In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog

Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having

Q: What's the advantage of having a blonde as a

Your mama is so fat, after she and your daddy got

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a

A guy is about to be married, and he's thinking

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

What do you call the moisture between two people

Why is Clinton having such a hard time deciding

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

A confused caller was having troubles printing

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

How do you get your wife to scream real loud when

Why was the blonde having trouble sleeping?

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after

One day, shortly after having her ninth baby, the

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

What do you call the sweat on your balls after

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A:

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? A: So they

Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use

To my darling wife: During the past year,

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

There's a woman that has a big problem when it

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

The idea of a guy having two women at the same

How do you know a blonde's having a bad day? Her

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

Why's Fred Flintstone a homosexual? He's always

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

One day a farmer was sitting around with one of

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers

Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex? A:

Monica Lewinsky and her new boyfriend are making

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

A man was walking through a wealthy neighborhood

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

These two guys meet after not having seen each

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

A family was having some people to dinner. At

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

A young couple were married and they were having

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

    On preparing to return home

The following letters were taken from an actual

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

Are you considering having children? To determine

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at

In the human body, which organ is in charge? All

A man staggers into an emergency room with two

Two kids were having the standard argument about

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

    For all you guys out there who

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

A lawyer is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful women sits down next to him. The lawyer

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there

So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

The pastor of donkey church realised that he was going to starve as collection dwindled every Sunday.

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: