heart

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

The young man said to his sweetheart,"We're going to have a great time tonight. I have three theater

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk,

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

A bar walks into a guy. The bar orders a liver,

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

A Japanese man was boasting about how his country

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

There were these three bees trapped in a hive.

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

I wish I was a glow worm. A glow worm's never

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

A man who was having heart trouble went to the

A couple had been married for many years, and their

A lady walks into a bar and says,'' Barkeep, gimme

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive

The sky was dark The moon was high We were

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland.

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

A guy comes home early one day from work. And

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Through

Here I sit, all broken hearted. Tried to shit,

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the

One friend was talking with another friend about

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and

A man in a hotel lobby accidentally bumps a woman

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

What was the working title for Mel Gibson's movie

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

You might be a redneck if you can't get married

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

In the human body, which organ is in charge? All

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining

A guy is in a hotel lobby. He bumps into a lady

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Irish greyhound racing authorities have banned trainers from giving dogs the anti-impotence drug Viagra

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.... and off they whirled to the land

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL CONVERSATION: Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

When a woman wears leather clothing: A man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, and

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class "What part of your body do you think

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter,

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and President Clinton all get caught up in a tornado and finally land

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said,

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for