however

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

A very religious man lived right next door to an

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

One day the king of a fairly large country was

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same

Billy was 14 and just started jerking off. He loved

A couple had been married for many years, and their

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

This mafia family was in need of a collection

At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

    Two Italian virgins get married

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

Two church members were going door to door, and

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

    The following information was

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

Our Rights: The following was written by State

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

Dear __________________________,    

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A lady went to the bar on a cruise ship, and ordered a Scotch, with two drops of water. The bartender

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees,

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year ! The Supreme Court has ruled that there

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman

When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist,

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells