Jokes
Hillery Dillery Dock, Obama will Clean her Clock, Monica's a Sin, Bu Ba fell in, Now she's gotta deal with Obama.
US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his
Free Sex
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late
Stuffed Animals
A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived
Marriage
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective
Vampire Bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of
Victorian Ladies
How many Victorian ladies does it take to change
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are f
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are
Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
Motivational Quotes for Cannibals
"If we don't change the direction we're going,
I Bet You Can't...
A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees ...
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like
People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize
1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have
How Sauron of "Lord of the Rings" is Like a Woman:
Both have been called "the greatest enemy of men" Think
The Lucky Salesman
A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.
50/50
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room
The Toothbrush Salesman
Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as
Tattoo Idea
Q: Why is it a good idea to tattoo a $100 bill
Instant Cow Attraction!
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You
Air Mattress
Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up
I'll Give You...
There was a woman and her husband. They were happily
Blonde Lightbulb
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Multiple Hot Foot
Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt
GDMFSOB...A Lovely Poem
Goddamn motherfuckin' son-of-a-bitch, He parked
Tattooed Wang
This guy goes into a tattoo shop and requests to
The Cross-Eyed Cow
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock
Bad Drivers
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway.
The Stupid Nomad
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on
The Crying Horse
An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone
Gorilla in Heat
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species
I'll Repair Your Car, Nudge, Nudge
A young woman experienced car trouble late one
Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and
Banana Peel
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana
What is Six Inches Long?
What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives
Dead Frog
A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a
Monkey Programmers
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking
Take My Wife, Please
* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's
Top 10 Reasons to Live in Manitoba
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly
Two Guys on a Golf Course
Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf
Statue Fantasy
An old wizard was walking through a park when he
Duck, Duck, Hooker
Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day
Washington Survey
A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked
Dirty Hippos
Q: Why do hippos have sex underwater? A: Because
Banker Joke
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan
Santa, Tooth Fairy, Drunk, Senator
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator
Never Seen A Priest
An old man from a far off land was once on the
Dick Cheney and the Bushes
Dick Cheney, President Bush
Hooker In Training
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,
The Talented Parrot
This guy is not getting along so well with his
The Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
Valentine's Day Card Shopping
A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine's Day
Gravity-Defying Tequila
A guy is sitting at a bar in
Tattoo U-nit
A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a
Solitary Confinement Woes
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime,
More Stupid Quotes
On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: It's
The 12 Days of Christmas
December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:
Fishing For a Sale
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job
Monica's Diary
Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!
Bill of Rights
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers
The Monks
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old
Family Spat
A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up
Profitable Mistake
On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it
Janitor or Millionaire
Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The
Morals
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,
If Airlines Sold Paint
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
Best Salesman
Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The first said, that he is so good he sold a color
Having Fun with a Telemarketer
Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is
Hunter and Pigmy
A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.
Outsource the President?
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office
Gold Medalist
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's
Three Words
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I''ve got a special game for you. I''ll
Christmas Story for people having a bad day....
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the
Three Things Are Inevitable...
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late
An Indian Story
Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After
The Pope
After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2006
# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
Genie's Map
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The
I am a Father
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
Mistake
On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"
Census Taker
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he
Jury Duty
As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects
John the Farmer
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets
Rules of the South
Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
The $100 Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He
Application for a Night Out with the Boys
Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest
The River
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to
If Airlines Sold Paint . . .
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
Cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
Snake Model
Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations
Phobia
A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get
Bronze Statue
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the
Teddy Bears
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They
Marriage Quotes
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were
The Angel
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.
Mamma's Bible
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some
How Dan Rather would have covered D-Day
This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German
The Prize
Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and
Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many
More Things to Think About
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening
Employee Statistics
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: *29
Father
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The
Post Office
A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One
Fixing The Pearly Gates
3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing
Who Says Men Arn't Sensitive
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They
Lawyer and a Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his
Too Hot For Arizona Convicts???
It's even hotter than usual in Phoenix, 116 degrees sets a new record, the Associated Press reports: About
Virus Alert
An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you
Tough Texans
A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand
Custer's Last Thoughts
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing
Cows: With a New Twist
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You
Mice
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer
200 Bucks
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony
Bleeding for Hours
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should
No Sword!
At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the
Bill & Moe
Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer
Bronze Sculpture of a Rat
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects
Six Percent
"I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash,"
Taking Advantage of Debts
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"
The Vampire Bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof