inside

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

It was a dark, foggy night. A man was wandering

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch"

The American Dairy Association was so successful

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time

He meets Satan, who says, "You are supposed to

A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera were building

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse

Q: What did the prick say to the balls? A: You

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

Yo family is so poor that when I went inside your

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

Two gay guys are walking past a funeral home and

If you're an American when you enter the restroom

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

A little boy came home from school one day and

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady

What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?

Yo mama's house is so small, I threw a rock in

What is long, hard, and stiff, is used inside a

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go

There once was a captain of a ship, and everyday

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

(which in our society means over 25) An older

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

There was a man who just got out of the army.

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY:

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for

Q: What's rough and hairy on the outside, soft

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about

If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what

What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

There were once three boys in a classroom called

A guy and girl are in a hot 'n' heavy makeout session,

What's the similarity between a tootsie roll pop

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, when

Mama always told me girls are like a box of chocolate

What's the difference between a porcupine and a

Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

Titles Considered for Monica's Autobiography 1.

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

Why does a blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the

Yo' Mama's so dumb, she locked herself inside

In prison you spend the majority of your time in

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside-out

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

A businessman was about to go on a long business

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

Bill Clinton calls his intern. ''Come into the

Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots

Q. If there's H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant,

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust

    According to inside contacts,

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

      AT&T fired President John

A young couple were married and they were having

The following letters were taken from an actual

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

Are you considering having children? To determine

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

The headwaiter of a five-star, elegant restaurant

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

    Psychologists have discovered

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

-It is always possible to park directly outside

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics.

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

It's even hotter than usual in Phoenix, 116 degrees sets a new record, the Associated Press reports: About

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour. 'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist. 'Why of course!' 'Good.

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station.

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female