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US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Yo mama so fat instead of having lint in her belly

Yo mama's head so big, instead of having dreams

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

Q. Why did Pepsi hire Britney Spears to do their

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

Q: Why did cavemen drag cave women by the hair

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

Why do they call it a toothbrush instead of a teethbrush?

One day a teacher went into her class room and

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

Back in the days of cowboys and Indians, toilet

You might be a redneck if you give Santa three

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

The European Union commissioners have announced

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor's office

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all

A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race.

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

Your mama is so fat that when she goes to a restaurant,

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

There was a man from Leek Who instead of a nose

Did you know that when the pilgrims landed, if

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be

1. Big Rock 2. Preston Manning 3. Tax is 7 percent

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

A blonde goes to a doctor because both of her ears

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting

''I would like to see a woman dentist,'' said the

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and

This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

A car decided not to stop for a stop sign but

A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

Your mama's so fat she has to walk in the street

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead

Yo' mama so ugly, instead of coming, your dad left!

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus,

Yo mama's so fat, instead of wearing Levi's 501

Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A:

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

    What to not say to the nice

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because

    Every night after dinner, Merle

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

by David Letterman 10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better... I have an 18-year old bride who is

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In

10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket. 9. You spend

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

Programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can't find a girlfriend with a good on her , reason