kitchen

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter."What are you

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A blonde was cooking dinner, when her kitchen caught

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Why are women's wedding dress' colored white?

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says,

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind

Why do women have legs? So they can get

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

Did you hear about the woman who was waging a war

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen

A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Why don't women need driver's licenses? Because

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal.

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

Why doesn't a woman need a car? Because you

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

Why did the pregnant lady cross the road? I

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One

When is a woman above a man? When the kitchen

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

You might be a redneck if your stove is on the

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of RAID

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Are you considering having children? To determine

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

An FM station has a competition where they ring

1. In the company of females, intercourse

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Last name: ________________ First name (check

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She says, "You've got

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out.... "Pa, You need to go out and fix the

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to