later

Joan, on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her. "Where

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"Grandpa says "Is

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:"Your

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mee Lookee Yu,

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

A guy was talking with his friend in a bar and told him, "My sex life sucks, just when things start to

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

There were four country churches in a small Texas

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

A woman visiting her doctorââ,¬â"¢s office

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A blonde walks into an ice cream shop and asks

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A blonde comes home and finds her mom dead on the

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

At a club, 50 Cent, Britney Spears, and JLO are

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

This week, the Bush administration finally released

James was on the beach, and could not understand

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

There was a competition to cross the English channel

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

The American Dairy Association was so successful

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.

A farmer just got married and was going home on

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

One day, an old lady went to the store to get some

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

Gumor said to Selma. Selma can I put my finger

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck,

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

Bush is my shepherd I shall not lie He leadeth

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

Mary Lou, the blonde, was out playing in the garden

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Cinderella was having her period and couldn't go

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies

Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."

"Honey, let's have sex," says the husband. "Wait

A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

A couple had been married for a long time, but

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club,

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

One weekend, a husband, and wife were up in the

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a

A little boy and his father are walking down the

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for

George set out on a very windy day to see his friend

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

As usual, things were not going well at the United

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

A woman goes to the local butcher to buy some meat

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and

One night a Scottish couple took a walk through

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A very old couple wanted to have children, so

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to

After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding

One day while at the White House, the maid was

There were two little crabs who met in Florida

There were these two bums and they were hungry

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

There was a competition between a team of blondes

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven,

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

1. Is it any coincidence that your blouse matches

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Two hicks brought home a puzzle one day, and sat

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

One day this little girl's dad came home and she

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

Two gay men decide to get themselves chased by

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

(which in our society means over 25) An older

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it

There was this little boy who had no name. One

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

There was a man who just got out of the army.

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if

There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when

Three guys were captured in Iraq as American spies

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country

This pothead walks into a store and says to the

There was a man who would come home blind drunk

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one

A man walks into a grocery store and asks for some

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

There were these two vampires talking. One says

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

Tarzan falls from his vine while he is swinging

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

There were three men who got stranded on an island.

A man goes to a doctor for his annual prostate

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

Yo mama is so stupid that when her boss told her

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

A prostitute on the street was approached by a

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary,

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his

A man was grocery shopping one day when he passed

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

A man named George was new in the city and needed

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

Fred, Bob, and Mike were driving down the street

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

Jimmy White walks into a bar and orders a beer,

A man and a woman meet in a hospital donation clinic.

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

Q: How do cows do subtraction? A: They use a

There was a successful doctor who had an office

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

The doctor was walking around checking by his patients

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

A blonde was about to commit suicide by jumping

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. The man walks

A grade school teacher was asking students what

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers

The young fellow was about to be married and was

There were three extremely poor men. They were

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon in Hawaii.

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

There once was a boy who named Odd. A lot of people

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

There's a guy and a lady sitting on the porch.

A grandson ran up to his grandfather and asked

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

A man goes into a sperm bank and says, "I'd like

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

There's a woman that has a big problem when it

There was a little boy who got up one morning and

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a

Two hunters are stalking through the forest when

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

    A guy sticks his head into a

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

70-year-old George went for his annual physical.

    Two Italian virgins get married

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

    On preparing to return home

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

    A young reporter once covered

    Marol spent her wedding night

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and

There was an Englishman an Irishman and

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

These two eggs had just been married and were on

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a

A man phones home from the office and tells his

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

There has been a recent discovery among archives

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

The wedding date was set and the groom's three

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

Creation vs Evolution has been settled! A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am,

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers,

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies,

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife and says

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Lucrecia, was

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A guy was walking down the street when he was startled to see a beautiful, young nude girl running

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache,

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from? DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!......

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying

So anyvay, late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr.

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache,

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters." So

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm

So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

An unemployed guy goes door-to-door looking for work. One home-owner hands him a brush and a tin of

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station.

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced,

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always

Q: What does a Big Fat White women and a Brick have in common? A: Sooner or later, they will both