laugh

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)Qn: What animal falls down the

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

Two sperm are swimming in a women's body.One sperm

Three men are on a plane. The first one throws

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

Three men were in a sauna. An Italian, a German,

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

An English professor told her students that there

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

A guy goes to see a doctor and when they get into

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

Mary Lou, the blonde, was out playing in the garden

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing

Three old men were talking about how much their

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

OBJECTIVE To disengage said bra without looking

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

10) You married your cousin's brother's wife 9)

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

How do you make a blonde laugh on Sunday? Tell

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

Why do smurfs laugh as they walk through the forest?

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell

There was a guy on a golf course that he had never

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

Two college students are in Ireland for a vacation

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried

How do you make a pool table laugh? Put your hand

There was a contruction worker who was working

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

Two gay men decide to get themselves chased by

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

(which in our society means over 25) An older

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy

A married couple was walking down the street when

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very

One day a little girl came running into her house

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican

There were three men who got stranded on an island.

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

1) Wine her. 2) Dine her. 3) Call her. 4) Hug

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

Knock, knock! Who's there? Thistle! Thistle

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

There's this husband and wife that have twin beds

A farmer walked into a bar with a horse. He said,

1. I think the parking meter is running out, I'll

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

Q: What do you do if you see a politician walking

One day Bill Clinton decides to go on a jog. While

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst

Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at

There were three men working at the top of a building.

Did you hear about the leper poker game? One

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

    A guy sticks his head into a

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A women desperately looking for work goes into

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

In the human body, which organ is in charge? All

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

This guy is not getting along so well with his

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

    William and Mildred were married

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

An FM station has a competition where they ring

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

A young female teacher was giving an assignment

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back,

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks and cleans from time to time, and

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

Suddenly there was a mad uncontrolable burst of laughter and the team captain asked John if that was

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years and in the back forty it had a nice pond,

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment,

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk,

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.