local

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot,

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

President George W. Bush decides it is time to

There once was this group of strange beings called

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

Bob just moved from New York City to Alabama. He

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

Our local drugstore was robbed of 500 bottles of

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Somebody recent vandalised the local nudist camp.

A local reporter was interviewing locals about

A woman goes to the local butcher to buy some meat

A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

There is a accordion player driving home from a

A lady walks into the local record store. "Do

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

1. Weed 2. Vancouver: 2 million people and

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

Did you hear about that big fire at the local gay

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

This is actually a true story that happened to

One time at a local golf course three shitty players

This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill

There once was a toad who was a bit different than

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A businessman was about to go on a long business

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the

    A couple go to Mexico City for

An old man and woman were married for years, even

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

    The curator of a Western art

Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

    Stupid people should have to

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

    Every night after dinner, Merle

    One morning, while she was making

    Two explorers are flying over

Run one lap around the office at top speed

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden

During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his