looked

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

Two blondes and a brunette fell off a cliff, handing

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

A sailor walked into a bar with a small head. The

One day, a blonde was skipping on some train tracks

James was on the beach, and could not understand

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A very religious man lived right next door to an

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with

A few days before his proctological exam, a one

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

There was an American man that had an meeting in

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding across the

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

Little Johnny came home from school one day and

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding

Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

President George W. Bush was getting angry about

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the

George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking

Why was Christina Aquilera surprised when she looked

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father,

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

There once was this group of strange beings called

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

A private was serving duties at his barracks in

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

There was a cowboy riding down a trail on his horse

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking

A 6'4'' ninth grader was acting up in class.

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman

Why did the two knives go to the dance together?

A man was unemployed and bored, so he decided to

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved,

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to

There was this guy that went to the doctor to get

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

As usual, things were not going well at the United

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend

An alien walked into a bar and sat down next to

There were three nuns talking and one nun said,

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her

Once there was a blonde who really needed some

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

A man and his wife were sitting in church, the

There was a little boy and a little girl in a

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

One day a man was pissing in a public bathroom

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looked over

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking.

One day while at the White House, the maid was

After World War II, an American soldier was going

There were these two bums and they were hungry

There were these two guys working late in a morgue,

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried

An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

There was a contruction worker who was working

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

A married couple was walking down the street when

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

One day Gary Condit's wife died and went to heaven,

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

There was a old man sitting on a bench outside

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

There once was a very distraught woman, who was

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

A boy was in school and the teacher asks him, ''Bobby,

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

There was a man from Leek Who instead of a nose

There were three men in a bar. All three were

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

In the beginning was the Plan. And then came

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

One day the farmer walked out to his field to feed

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

Fred, Bob, and Mike were driving down the street

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they

There was this guy named John that went to heaven.

One night a robber broke into a home and heard

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

These two persons are discussing whether the state

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

A football player walked into a motel on a rainy

This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill

A blonde was about to commit suicide by jumping

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender

It was this little girl's first day of school and

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

A grandson ran up to his grandfather and asked

There was a man once that was always talking about

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

There was an old lady walking down the streets

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they

'You're so stupid that you looked up at the MACY's

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

A businessman was about to go on a long business

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

If my dog's face looked like your face, I'd shave

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

One day a farmer was sitting around with one of

Yo mama's so ugly, the last time I saw something

    A guy sticks his head into a

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes

    A trucker who had driven his

A man was walking down the street when he noticed

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

These two eggs had just been married and were on

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

    Stupid people should have to

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's

    'Twas the night before Christmas

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father,

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all living creatures on Earth to die. To sort things

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage." The clerk looked at him and

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

One beautiful December evening Pepito and his girlfriend Pepita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers. He

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In

Way down in Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

So anyvay, late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

Today is my daughters 18th birthday......I'm so glad that this I my last....damn child support payment.

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

I had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

One day, Mom was cleaning junior's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president,Mr. Smith called him into his office.He

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked

A man came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said,

A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced,

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting