looking

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall- I am very sorry about that, I didn't see you I

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

A technology firm was looking for a new computer

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head.

A man was walking through the forest, when he suddenly

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

Q: Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet? A:

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A British doctor, a German doctor and an American

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After

Q: What''s the connection between The Star Trek

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

What is the differnce between a golf ball and a

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said,

You know your a redneck if you go to a family reunion

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole

The England team's training session was delayed

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain

Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break,

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

George Bush is so stupid, he's still looking for

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

A Japanese man was boasting about how his country

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

OBJECTIVE To disengage said bra without looking

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before

One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

Bob just moved from New York City to Alabama. He

Did you hear the one about the good-looking teenage

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

What is the perfect wife? A good-looking, sex-starved

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

A man is away on business, at a convention for

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

Somebody recent vandalised the local nudist camp.

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring,

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

An alien walked into a bar and sat down next to

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

The patient sat there looking ill and asked, ''Flu?''

Above the urinal, written on the wall: Why are

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

Three rednecks are talking about how stupid their

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

Back in the days of cowboys and Indians, toilet

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

There's a fine line between fishing and standing

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of

After World War II, an American soldier was going

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

What is the thing that you keep on looking for

What do you call a good looking guy with a brunette?

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that

Two residents at a nursing home became good friends.

A pharmacy in my home town was robbed yesterday,

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

(which in our society means over 25) An older

Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year?

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

A man was walking down the street and saw an

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day,

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

She's so blonde she spent an hour looking at a

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the

I've seen better looking butts in an ash tray

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory?

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A dead-beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog

Two blondes were stranded on an iceberg with only

Why did the gynecologist go to the eye doctor?

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

A masked man walks in to a sperm bank, pulls a

A man named George was new in the city and needed

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

Some men like looking at women's arses. Some men

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

This is actually a true story that happened to

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense

What was the geometry student looking for at the

There was a woman who got married. Her husband

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.

A hole was discovered in the Carefree Nudist Camp.

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

In prison you spend the majority of your time in

Yo' mama so stupid, she broke her TV looking for

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

How does every ethnic joke start? By looking

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

What's the difference between a girl's G-spot and

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

One day the pre-school teacher said, “We're

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

After several years of serving the church in a

A women desperately looking for work goes into

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

This guy is not getting along so well with his

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Reaching the end of a job interview,

    For all you guys out there who

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.... and off they whirled to the land

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray had always wanted a pair of authentic

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica,

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is

The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says,

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

A blonde was standing on the river bank looking confused when she spotted another blonde across the

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. WHAT

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few

An unemployed guy goes door-to-door looking for work. One home-owner hands him a brush and a tin of

A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown paper

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps

One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day,

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents