lunch

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes A:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break,

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

A kid walks into a lunchroom at school and sees

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Q: What's brown and lives in a bell tower? A:

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy,

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian,

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

(repeat ketchup and liquor after every phrase)

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch,

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

There were three men working at the top of a building.

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

    One day, a mechanic was working

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

Run one lap around the office at top speed

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the