lying

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

What a Woman Says:"This place is a mess! C'mon,You and I need to clean up.Your stuff is lying on the

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and got into a fight with a lion.The lion rips off one

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

In a small airplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker. They were

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

Little Johnny came home from school one day and

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

Two flies were flying around a pile of poo and

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

SEX CONTRACT I, _______________________, hereby

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

How can you tell if a man is lying? His lips

A man was walking down the beach when he found

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A man with an average handicap decides to play

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

A young Indian brave goes up to the Chief and says,

What's the difference between a dead skunk lying

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

Q: What is brown, bloody and lying in a ditch?

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs lying

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with

If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth,

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Four guys are flying to Japan in their own jet.

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

A plane was once flying over an island when the

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette,

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people. ''He

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon,

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

Superman was flying around the city and was super

A boy baby and a girl baby are lying in their crib

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

Why was the rubber flying through the air? It

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

There was once a man who had problems satisfying

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when

A boy lying on a naked girl waiting for an earthquake.

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

Reporter to Clinton: ''Was Monica lying?''''No,

What a woman says: “This place is a mess!

    This is an actual job application

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

    A trucker who had driven his

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

    Two explorers are flying over

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

There has been a recent discovery among archives

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side

Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death they are close to just

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist,

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced,

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so