married

Bride: - Will you love me when we get married? Groom: - I think so: I have always been attracted to

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?""Darling,"

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

A married couple was watching the show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Atthe end of the show, the

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked,

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

There is this old couple and they have been married

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There

A farmer just got married and was going home on

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

A boy goes to the drugstore with his dad and sees

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

Three couples went in to see the minister about

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

10) You married your cousin's brother's wife 9)

A couple had been married for a long time, but

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter

Why don't little girls fart? Because they

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

A redneck couple gets married and are on their

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

These three married couples died and when they

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing

What did the redneck do with his his first fifty-cent

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

There was an older man who'd married a younger

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has

A father and his son go into the grocery store

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her

"When you getting married to your girlfriend?" "I

A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

You know you married a redneck when she fills out

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

A couple had been married for many years, and their

You could be a redneck if you were just married

A woman had been married so many times she was

A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives

Have you ever read that married men live longer

(which in our society means over 25) An older

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move

A married couple was walking down the street when

A reporter asked Henry Ford the secret of his successful

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

A woman goes over to her married son's house and

A women is getting married for her fourth time

Has anyone ever said to you, ''Do you know Jack

Scene: Suburban home, living room. Post-quarrel. Wife:

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

Why do wives live longer than their husbands?

"Did ya hear I got married?" "Oh, that's good." "No,

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

A woman was engaged to get married. She had never

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

There was an Asian lady who married an English

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to

A guy is about to be married, and he's thinking

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Once a man saw a board outside his friend's office

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson,

To get married you need a wedding license, right?

An Amish couple had just been married and had gone

Two friends, Bob and John were discussing sex before

A young deaf-mute couple got married. At first

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

Q: What day of the week is the best day to get

The young fellow was about to be married and was

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

There was a woman who got married. Her husband

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

Two brooms were going to get married, before the

How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly

A father has three daughters that are all getting

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst

When an attractive young girl returned from her

A couple, who had been married for years, were

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

Your mama so fat, she's been married for 20 years

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Q: What do the men in a singles bar have in common?

A married man visits a sex therapist because he

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first

You might be a redneck if you can't get married

You might be a redneck if you've been married three

A married man goes to confessional and tells the

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married! *

An old man and woman were married for years, even

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The

These two guys meet after not having seen each

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

   As you grow older, what lost

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A young couple were married and they were having

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

    Two Italian virgins get married

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

There was this couple who had been married for

    William and Mildred were married

These two eggs had just been married and were on

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A man and a woman who have never met before find

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's

    For all you guys out there who

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment,

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

Mrs. Shapiro, the Matchmaker, goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen,

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

She married and had 11 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again,

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

SUNDAY: 0800 - My 33 Sons 0830 - Osama Knows Best 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed 0930 - Let's

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go

On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady

blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more