miles

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

There were four country churches in a small Texas

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

Yo mama's teeth so yellow when she smiles, cars

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when

You might be a redneck if you think fast food is

A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started

What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

John Rocker was on a NY subway and many people

Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew

A man goes into a supermarket and buys a six-pack,

A mid 20's bachelor walks into a grocery store

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

The dummy heard that most people are killed within

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign

Yo' mama's teeth are so yellow, she smiles and

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

Yo' mama's teeth are so crooked that when she smiles

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

You might be a redneck if your mattress has more

Yo Mama is so fat, she got smiles on her kneecaps.

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

Two college students are in Ireland for a vacation

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

One upon a time there was a town with a new church

What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?

A road consturction manager needed to hire someone

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

Yo mama is so ugly that when she smiles, it hurts.

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

Three hang-glider pilots, one Irish, one Australian,

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

The Tomato family is walking down the street. There's

Your mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

What's the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles.

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

A businessman returns from the far east. After

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Last name: ________________ First name (check

    Dear Son,    

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya,

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all living creatures on Earth to die. To sort things

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny,"

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and