Jokes
These pop-ups are being considered for the XP upgrade
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding
Italian Mother
Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony
Grand Theft Auto
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering
New Year's Resolutions You CAN Keep
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.
What Are Metaphors?
Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving
Titillating
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front
There was a farmer who grew watermelons.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was
Intellectual Bathroom Graffiti
Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
A very successful lawyer parked his...
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny ...
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus
Don''t Say a Word
Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally
Darn Crazy Kids
A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly
New Rules For Employment
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer
Gross Cornflakes
What's grosser than gross? You eat a bowl of cornflakes
A man goes into a supermarket...
A man goes into a supermarket and buys a six-pack,
Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their
Garage Of Love
How can you tell if a elephant had sex in your
Farmer's Tractor
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Californiacation
A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all
Yo Mama's So Fat... Donut Shop
Yo mama's so fat, she walked in the donut shop
Rating Your Christmas Party
If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do
The Hit and Run Case
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus
Cloak & Dagger
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,
Cows In Government
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes
King Arthur's Dilemma
King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.
Damned If I Know
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment
Socks
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,
Safe Elephant Sex
How can you tell that elephants have been doing
Shree Hill
The teacher was checking her student roster on
Carpet
A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet
God Is Missing
Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school
Gay Dad
Your dad's so gay, when he went missing they put
Nerd Sayings Galore
1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
The Unconcerned Widow
An old man and woman were married for years, even
Stupid, Stupid People
AT&T fired President John
Radical Procedure
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but
Strict Sex Schedule
A young couple were married and they were having
Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual
More True-Life Accounts of Stupidity
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T
How to Write a College Paper
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted
The Italian Virgin's Wedding Night
Marol spent her wedding night
An APB on God
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,
Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''
A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã,Â
Daddy Gave a Mommy a Big Clock
One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a
Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup
Curators at India's Baroda Museum
Contraceptives '98
Microsoft's Latest Venture
From Cradle to Ladle
John invited his mother over for dinner. During
Old Man and the Punk
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got
New Office Policy
Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see
Thoughts for the Day
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare
Maria's Wedding Night
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding
Three Doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover
Company Policy
Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see
Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..
So How Did You Break Your Arm?
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New
Pick Up Lines
"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby
Funny Windows Messages for 2006
1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press
New Years Resolutions
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you
Football Star
The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was
Top 5 Smart Ass Answers
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
Einstein's Speech
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly
New Windows Messages
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter
Recovery Room
A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his
Some Bumper Stickers Part 2
*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:
Lawyers Are Full Of Bull
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's
Attainable New Year's Resolutions
This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.
How Did You Break Your Arm?
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles
Mississippi Student Absentees
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents
Headache
The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require
Creation of Canada
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel
Post Office
A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One
Analogies and Metaphors
These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,
Contraceptive98
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating
Watermelons
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local
Updated Employee Handbook
DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you
Guardian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,
Please A Woman
A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For
Maintenance Complaints
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
How to Clean your Mouse
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral
Pastor and the Housekeeper
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the
Lost Rooster
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the
The Punt & the Geezer
A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from
The Lion
Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you
Three-legged Pig
There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided
Don't Speak
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a
Missing Parrot
There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she
The Death of Black Magic
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
Truckers & Priests
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the
The Stewardess
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had
The Gaurdian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
The Blonde Flight Attendant
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon