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Jokes

These pop-ups are being considered for the XP upgrade

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

A Foot And A Half

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

Italian Mother

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

Grand Theft Auto

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering

New Year's Resolutions You CAN Keep

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

What Are Metaphors?

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

Titillating

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

There was a farmer who grew watermelons.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

Intellectual Bathroom Graffiti

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

A very successful lawyer parked his...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny ...

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

Don''t Say a Word

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

Darn Crazy Kids

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

New Rules For Employment

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

Gross Cornflakes

What's grosser than gross? You eat a bowl of cornflakes

A man goes into a supermarket...

A man goes into a supermarket and buys a six-pack,

Actual School Excuse Notes

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Garage Of Love

How can you tell if a elephant had sex in your

Farmer's Tractor

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Californiacation

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

Yo Mama's So Fat... Donut Shop

Yo mama's so fat, she walked in the donut shop

Rating Your Christmas Party

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

The Hit and Run Case

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

Cloak & Dagger

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

Cows In Government

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

King Arthur's Dilemma

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

Damned If I Know

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

Socks

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

Safe Elephant Sex

How can you tell that elephants have been doing

Shree Hill

The teacher was checking her student roster on

Carpet

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

God Is Missing

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

Gay Dad

Your dad's so gay, when he went missing they put

Nerd Sayings Galore

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

The Unconcerned Widow

An old man and woman were married for years, even

Stupid, Stupid People

      AT&T fired President John

Radical Procedure

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

Strict Sex Schedule

A young couple were married and they were having

Hotel Letters

The following letters were taken from an actual

More True-Life Accounts of Stupidity

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

How to Write a College Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

The Italian Virgin's Wedding Night

    Marol spent her wedding night

An APB on God

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

Daddy Gave a Mommy a Big Clock

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a

Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

Contraceptives '98

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

From Cradle to Ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Old Man and the Punk

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

New Office Policy

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Thoughts for the Day

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

Maria's Wedding Night

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

Three Doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

Company Policy

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

So How Did You Break Your Arm?

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Pick Up Lines

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Funny Windows Messages for 2006

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

New Years Resolutions

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you

Football Star

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Top 5 Smart Ass Answers

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Einstein's Speech

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

New Windows Messages

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

Recovery Room

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

Some Bumper Stickers Part 2

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

Lawyers Are Full Of Bull

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

Attainable New Year's Resolutions

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

How Did You Break Your Arm?

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

Mississippi Student Absentees

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

Headache

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Creation of Canada

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

Post Office

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

Analogies and Metaphors

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Contraceptive98

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

Watermelons

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

Updated Employee Handbook

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Guardian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

Please A Woman

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Maintenance Complaints

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

How to Clean your Mouse

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Pastor and the Housekeeper

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

Lost Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the

The Punt & the Geezer

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

The Lion

Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you

Three-legged Pig

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Don't Speak

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

Missing Parrot

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

The Death of Black Magic

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

Truckers & Priests

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

The Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

The Gaurdian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more

The Blonde Flight Attendant

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon