morning

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

"How'd you do it?" the doctor asked as he was setting farmer Joe Brown's broken leg."Well Doc," said

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said,

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

One morning, a blonde decides to do a jig-saw puzzle

Q: Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning? A:

A woman wakes up one morning and open the blinds.

The British speech: "If you are ferocious in battle,

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

One day Saddam Hussein was walking in the desert

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies

A salesman''s car breaks down in the pouring rain

Three old men were talking about how much their

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

There was an old professor who started every class

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

What does Brooke Gordon do when she gets done shaving

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

What's worse than waking up in the morning after

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

One day, a farmer walked into a bar and asked the

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved,

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

There was a woman who had very small breasts and

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

There was a nintey-year-old lady who was still

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button

A father and his son go into the grocery store

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

One day a teacher went into her class room and

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

A mother took her kid to the park one day and the

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

There was this guy who always went out drinking

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs,

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

"Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I

After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home

Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds.

There were two little crabs who met in Florida

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor's office

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

A guy applied for a job at a post office and got

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

Woman: I have a problem. Doctor: Well, are you

One night, Sam went out drinking only to find the

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

A married couple was walking down the street when

An American businessman is on a business trip

The was a man named George who got a new job.

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

There was a woman who was interested in getting

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. ''Honey,

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

Why do women rub there eys when they getup in the

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

Once there lived a mother who had two sons who

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So

What do cows read in the morning? The

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

A long time ago, a cowboy was captured by the Indians.

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

A man sees a growth coming out from the center

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

There were two blondes as roommates and they both

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

A minister wound up the services one morning by

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting

Happiness is waking up in the morning and finding

Did you hear about that big fire at the local gay

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A guy from Texas and a guy from Arkansas are driving

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

Why does the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

What is worse than waking up the morning after

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

A girl wants to borrow the car from her dad, so

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

There was a little boy who got up one morning and

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and on others

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust

There were three women who always hung their laundry

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

    White House staffers were perplexed

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting

If the government is going to put health warning

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

   As you grow older, what lost

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

There are three men in a hotel each wanting

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

The following letters were taken from an actual

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

There was this couple who had been married for

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

    Three ducks were swimming in

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

    One morning, while she was making

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

An FM station has a competition where they ring

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

Run one lap around the office at top speed

A woman came up behind her husband while he was

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

    Dear Son,    

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: "I'm

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South. To somebody in the South, it is anybody in

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

There was a church down in Southwest Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill." "I don't think

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

Subject: PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ... GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director "Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says

One night, a little blind boy's mother said to him, "Anthony, if you pray really, REALLY hard tonight,

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

A vet gets a midnight phone call from a farmer. "I`ve got a very constipated cow - been like it for

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president,Mr. Smith called him into his office.He

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

Three guys go on a skiing holiday together and to save money they rented only one room. After a full

There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: "Morning

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings.

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: - Hello! - At what time does the

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. "I

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon