mother

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

The young man said to his sweetheart,"We're going to have a great time tonight. I have three theater

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy,

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

What's the real punishment for bigamy? More than

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

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Bush's mother prayed fervently that GW would grow

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A man was walking through the forest, when he suddenly

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little

The Principal of an elementary school went into

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

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A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

A man has six children and is very proud of his

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

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Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

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One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please

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A young mother was having a consultation with a

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At one point during a game, the coach said to one

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Johnny comes back from school crying and says,

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An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter

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A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives

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Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

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A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

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There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

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There was this guy who always went out drinking

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One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

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One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where

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Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking

A couple had been married for many years, and their

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Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks

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A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book

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Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch

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Mother Superior called a young novice into her

There's a man in the prison hospital on death row

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There was this little boy who had no name. One

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A mother is making a cake for her three sons when

A man and his son are in a car accident and are

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The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement

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A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

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A blonde came home from school one day and said

Peter's mother has three kids. The first two

One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I

There was this virgin that was going out on a date

One day a little girl came running into her house

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny

Once there lived a mother who had two sons who

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One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every

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A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group

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One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house,

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The

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A young boy took his bag of M&M's, grabbed the

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A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his

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A grade school teacher was asking students what

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A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny

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A man goes into a sperm bank and says, "I'd like

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

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One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

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One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

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You're a redneck if you hear the phrase "Take out

Son: ''Dad, where did all of my intelligence come

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

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This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

A couple took their young son for his first visit

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

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Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

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At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant

A family was having some people to dinner. At

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One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

After several years of serving the church in a

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings

A little boy is playing with his new football and

    Two Italian virgins get married

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

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A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

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A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

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    A little girl asked her mother

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

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Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

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John invited his mother over for dinner. During

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where

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If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her

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A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Creation vs Evolution has been settled! A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullsh*tted a bit,

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

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Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

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If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

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A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

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1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

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As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

One night, a little blind boy's mother said to him, "Anthony, if you pray really, REALLY hard tonight,

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

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Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (wait till you see the

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

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Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. Never take life seriously.

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised,

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

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Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled

Today is my daughters 18th birthday......I'm so glad that this I my last....damn child support payment.

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

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Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, "*I* have

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour

So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary

A drill sergeant was known to be brusque with his men. His lieutenant warned him to try to be more

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist, so everyone will

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer. So the

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well