myself

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

"It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!" "You''re

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview

December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club,

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

SEX CONTRACT I, _______________________, hereby

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

1) The president is not in his/her office at this

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy

Is that Windex in your pants? Because I can

A baby seal walks into a club. I'll repeat myself.

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian,

A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. ''Honey,

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    Stupid people should have to

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

Dear __________________________,    

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem,

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake! Caddy: Think you can keep your head down

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

There was a great eruption of a south sea island volcano, and the witch doctor appealed to the tribal

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,