nation

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cahier after learning the combination to the safe and had

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

Guy: Do you know a good veterination? Girl: No,

10. No roof damage from reindeer 9. Never a silent

Did you hear the Italian Government is going to

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Why did the chicken cross the road? ââ,¬Â¢

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

I saw an interview in which an expert on military

We have come to learn that bombing really works.

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

What's the national bird of Afghanistan? DUCK!!!

President George W. Bush was getting angry about

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

A question had appeared in a student's medical

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought that the the International

You know you're a redneck if you think the last

The king of a small African nation had an elegant

What is the Cuban national anthem? ''Row Your

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and

As usual, things were not going well at the United

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

Love's a sensation caused by temptation, a guy

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The

Show me a man that thinks baseball is the national

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? Far

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

Why is the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health)

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

Q: What is the new Cuban national anthem? A:

Did you hear that Disney is going to make a movie

The European Union commissioners have announced

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

You might be a redneck if you think fly swatting

Why don't Polish people kill frogs? Because

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

George Bush is on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?

A couple went to church every week, but every

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

A man and a woman meet in a hospital donation clinic.

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

Yo' mama is so fat the National Weather Agency

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A grade school teacher was asking students what

Yo Mama is so stupid, she thinks DNA is the National

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

What two men's hobbies require the most hand-eye

Did you hear Clinton announced a new national bird?

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

   As you grow older, what lost

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to

    Psychologists have discovered

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

    'Twas the night before Christmas

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

A woman came up behind her husband while he was

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Our Rights: The following was written by State

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

Last name: ________________ First name (check

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!" "Good

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The teams performance soars. They

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage." The clerk looked at him and

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year ! The Supreme Court has ruled that there

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Thought you might enjoy this message I received from one of my more politically oriented friends.....

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor. "Doctor I think I

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A first grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: "What did you do at recess?" Alice

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to