neighbor

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. ,The defense attorney asked,

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch"

A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom

"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

A couple had been married for a long time, but

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

There was this guy that went to the doctor to get

A little boy came home from school one day and

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell

1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole 2. Racism

The worst thing in the world to be is a penis:

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

"What does your husband look like when you're giving

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr.

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house,

There was a young man whose parents beat him all

1. You never run out of wheat 2. Those cool Saskatchewan

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

Want to hear a dirty joke? A man fell in mud.

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.

There once was a toad who was a bit different than

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A man was walking through a wealthy neighborhood

An old man and woman were married for years, even

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Reaching the end of a job interview,

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

As You May Already Know, It Is A Sin For A Taliban Male To See Any Woman Other Than His Wife Naked

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Pedro was trying to get into the U.S.legally through Immigration. The Officer said "Pedro, you have

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Thought you might enjoy this message I received from one of my more politically oriented friends.....

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day. My husband kidded him, asking how many birds

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all