noticed

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

A guy dies and goes to heaven. His tour guide starts

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Recently, I was at a professional football game

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off,

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

A man went to a cafe and ordered some soup. Half

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera were building

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to

There was a woman who had very small breasts and

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

One day a man was pissing in a public bathroom

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

One day Gary Condit's wife died and went to heaven,

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road

There was a woman who was interested in getting

A biker had been injured in an accident and was

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal.

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A man walked into work on Monday with two black

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and

This is actually a true story that happened to

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He

There was an old lady walking down the streets

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

A man was walking through a wealthy neighborhood

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

An old man from a far off land was once on the

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

    On preparing to return home

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A man staggers into an emergency room with two

    A trucker who had driven his

A man was walking down the street when he noticed

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

    One day a hunter was walking

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers.Ã, 

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see.

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny,"

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-coloured

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day,

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon