number

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A telephone rang, and someone picked it up.A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Worldââ,¬â"¢s thinnest books 20. BEAUTY

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl/guy

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

According to a news report, a certain private school

Remake of "Roots" starring Michael Jackson Performance

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

A business man is trying to find a potental wife.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

1) The president is not in his/her office at this

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has

One day a government worker was digging through

I lost my phone number. Could I have yours?

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

You know you're a computer nerd when you know more

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Yo mama's like AOL - so easy to use, no wonder

A lady walks into a bar and says,'' Barkeep, gimme

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

Woman: I have a problem. Doctor: Well, are you

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

Has anyone ever said to you, ''Do you know Jack

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

What do you give the woman who has everything?

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

    A woman walks into her accountant's

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual

-It is always possible to park directly outside

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

    Three ducks were swimming in

Run one lap around the office at top speed

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day,

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

Last name: ________________ First name (check

    Dear Son,    

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

Herbert A. Millington Chair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill,

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to

California Vinters in the Napa Valley area. which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence...Nature's way of saying

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So,

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy. A blonde woman walks into an auto

Times change. Recently there was a demonstration by a large number of students at several Howard

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and