officer

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he

Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 1.

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

There was an older man who'd married a younger

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

A cop pulls over a guy. "Your eyes are awfully

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

10) Your mom. 9) Piss in the wind. 8) Spit straight

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

This mafia family was in need of a collection

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

      AT&T fired President John

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

    What to not say to the nice

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics.

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

How The French Military uniform evolved A long time ago, the British and French were at War. During

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Pedro was trying to get into the U.S.legally through Immigration. The Officer said "Pedro, you have

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem