opens

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

A guyââ,¬â"¢s been dating the girl of his

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

There is this old couple and they have been married

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy,

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

A masked man walks in to a sperm bank, pulls a

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

Q: How do you know when a blonde is going to say

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

This lady is throwing a party where each guest

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

    Psychologists have discovered

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long. One who

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death they are close to just

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

Female Prayer: Before I lay me down to sleep , I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: "Boat for Sale".

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can