patient

Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist : $90.00.Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

Q: What did the gay midget doctor say to his patient? A:

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A guy goes to see a doctor and when they get into

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter

The patient sat there looking ill and asked, ''Flu?''

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Patient:

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

There was a woman who was interested in getting

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor

Patient has two teenage children, but no other

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

Why are there hardly any dental professionals in

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department,

The doctor was walking around checking by his patients

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

    A young reporter once covered

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

-It is always possible to park directly outside

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

September 15     

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

I had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how

Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb.

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your