picked

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms,

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A telephone rang, and someone picked it up.A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

A guy went to a whore house for a piece of ass, but only had 5.00. The madam suggested that he go and

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

Yo mama is so poor, I picked up a skateboard and

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

There once was this guy who was going on a date

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

One day Jesus wanted to test his disciples. So

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They

Why are fire engines red? You'd be red too

After World War II, an American soldier was going

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman

Three men were walking down a street and found

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

There was a man who just got out of the army.

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when

A blonde goes to a doctor because both of her ears

These three guys got together one day and were

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

This is actually a true story that happened to

A Russian guy was walking down the street when

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd

Yo' mama's so hairy, she was walking down the street

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

-It is always possible to park directly outside

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

    One day a hunter was walking

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

A blonde was shopping at Walmart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better... I have an 18-year old bride who is

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk,

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,