police

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It was so cold last night the police stopped 3 youths pushing a mobile home down the street! When questioned

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)Qn: What animal falls down the

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

James was starting he's first day of job as a policeman. So as he was patrolling. He saw there's one

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

The England team's training session was delayed

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

Q: Who were Jenna and Barbara Bush with when they

Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

A railroad worker was cuting the grass away from

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Somebody recent vandalised the local nudist camp.

There were two men sitting on a wall outside a

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

There was an older man who'd married a younger

How many Arkansas policemen does it take to screw

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk

A pharmacy in my home town was robbed yesterday,

Knock, knock! Who's there? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes

Two gay men decide to get themselves chased by

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,

A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Police: Why did you steal his watch? Thief:

You're so stupid that when police tell you you

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the

10) When people go the speed limit in the fast

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory?

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

One day, three boys were talking about what they

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign

Did you hear about the guy they found dead with

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly

A policeman stops a motorist and says, ''Excuse

A blonde was about to commit suicide by jumping

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

A hole was discovered in the Carefree Nudist Camp.

There are 2 clones, one of the clones is real nice

There was an old lady walking down the streets

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead

A businessman was about to go on a long business

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

      AT&T fired President John

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

    What to not say to the nice

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A cop pulls over a blonde because her car is weaving all over the road. When he bends down he can smell

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's

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Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush

Green Bay, WI Monday, October 31, 2005 - Anthrax Scare At Lambeau Field Green Bay Packer football

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front.

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front.

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed