pretty

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.As the couple reflected on

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

A little rabbit is running happily through the

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling

The American Dairy Association was so successful

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Knock, Knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? I know

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

"Mommy, mommy! What a pretty dress!" "Shut-up.

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All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 1.

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start

Knock Knock Who's there? Roxanne Roxanne who?

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

There was a long line of souls before the gate

There once was a lion, whose best friend was a

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

Three guys were in a bar and they heard a woman

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

"Your dog is pretty dirty," Mrs. Trupin said to

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

A man came home from work to find his girlfriend

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A couple took their young son for his first visit

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

Shih-Tzu and Poodle = a Shiht-Poo (A pretty stinky

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

    Every night after dinner, Merle

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

One day while Little Johnny and his freind Arnie were playing out in the back yard,they started talking

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

Way down in Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

So anyvay, late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

This hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a box of condoms. The druggist

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.