promise

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

A guy goes to see a doctor and when they get into

Bush is my shepherd I shall not lie He leadeth

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game

The way this game works is every time the word

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous,

When I die, bury me deep. Plant some reefer,

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge

Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

A married man visits a sex therapist because he

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

The wedding date was set and the groom's three

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. 8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

A father asked his 10 year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!"

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned