question

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

It was so cold last night the police stopped 3 youths pushing a mobile home down the street! When questioned

The cowboy walks into a hotel. The bellboy asks him"How many sheets do you want on your bed?"The cowboy

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is

Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk,

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

What a woman says, what she really means... I

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

A question had appeared in a student's medical

There was a Northern lady and a Southern lady sitting

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

A business man is trying to find a potental wife.

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking

Two guys are in a bar. "Hey, I've got an idea

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

A woman walks in a bar and asks the bartender if

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

There is this third grade class with this kid named

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

A little boy came home from school one day and

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges,

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

Why did the chicken cross the road? Pat Buchanan

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

Three guys go to a hotel. They tell the man behind

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A couple went to church every week, but every

Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas,

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

This guy goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor shows

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

This guy with a really small head walks into a

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

The was a man named George who got a new job.

One time in heaven Saint Peter said to Jesus,

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from

Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd

Teacher to student: Arnold what is the most popular

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

There was a woman who was interested in getting

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Q: What did Shakespeare say while he was shopping

Question: If you went to a party and woke up with

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency?

There was this guy named John that went to heaven.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, when

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. The gatekeeper

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

One day a blonde was outside of her apartment on

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

A man walking his son in the park one day came

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

Question: What is the irritating part about a blonde's

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A father has three daughters that are all getting

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

What do a blonde and a hockey player have in common?

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

Sag! You're It! Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 20

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired

A couple took their young son for his first visit

    This is an actual job application

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

A visiting professor at the University of Montana

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

   As you grow older, what lost

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't

    Johnny meets a girl on the street.

    A woman walks into her accountant's

After several years of serving the church in a

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

    Marol spent her wedding night

Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

    Stupid people should have to

    Three ducks were swimming in

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

It is near the end of the school year.  The

There has been a recent discovery among archives

An FM station has a competition where they ring

    The following information was

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

    For all you guys out there who

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day,

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Dear __________________________,    

A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

Creation vs Evolution has been settled! A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

How The French Military uniform evolved A long time ago, the British and French were at War. During

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor

1. Sag, you're it. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. 8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon,

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony,

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and

an elephant and a camel meet on a road: Elephantl: Say, why is it you camels have your breasts on