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Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

A salesman''s car breaks down in the pouring rain

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

    An Irishman, an Englishman and

Q: What did Ms. Lewinsky allegedly say when offered

Monica Lewinsky and her new boyfriend are making

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on my cat's tail

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

    A guy sticks his head into a

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

    An elderly woman entered a large

A couple took their young son for his first visit

    Three blokes enter a disabled

    Some people are sitting in a

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

20) "That's weird..." 19) "It's

1) Chest Trays 2) NFRU (Not for Recreational

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess: I have

    White House staffers were perplexed

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

    This is an actual job application

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

Q: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

A mortician was working late one night. It was

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

Three engineering students were gathered together

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

If the government is going to put health warning

These two guys meet after not having seen each

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

A woman going through the change of life went to

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Tiger Woods     A couple were on

   As you grow older, what lost

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

    For the first time in many years,

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

    Johnny meets a girl on the street.

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

    A woman walks into her accountant's

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A young couple were married and they were having

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to

A women desperately looking for work goes into

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

    Two Italian virgins get married

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

    On preparing to return home

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

There was this couple who had been married for

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

    A businessman boards a flight

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

    A trucker who had driven his

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

There was a great loss today in the entertainment

    A young reporter once covered

    What to not say to the nice

1) You define summer as three months of bad

Two kids were having the standard argument about

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

    A fireman came from work one

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom

    Four old Catholic women are

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

This guy is not getting along so well with his

    Marol spent her wedding night

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...compliment her, cuddle

Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller

Three friends die in a car accident and they

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

All Drugs have a scientific name. Tylenol is

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Dogs

    This is from a contest on Long

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

There was an Englishman an Irishman and

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

I have an earache. 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this

    William and Mildred were married

What's the definition of "wicker box"?

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

    Psychologists have discovered

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

    A young man just got a new job

    Stupid people should have to

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

    Three nuns were talking. "I

-It is always possible to park directly outside

    One day, a mechanic was working

One day, Ole and Lena were out driving around the

A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

    One day a hunter was walking

    While inspecting their honeymoon

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime,

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

    A little girl asked her mother

    Three ducks were swimming in

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

    The Penis requests a promotion

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

    A woman was at work when a man

    Every night after dinner, Merle

    One morning, while she was making

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a

Two church members were going door to door, and

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up

    Two explorers are flying over

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Those who have it would be devastated if it

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

"Men are like fine wine.  They all start

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

There has been a recent discovery among archives

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

A businessman returns from the far east. After

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

    'Twas the night before Christmas

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    The following information was

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

Run one lap around the office at top speed

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South

A judge was punishing three men because they had

    Monica walks into her dry cleaning

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

    For all you guys out there who

A woman came up behind her husband while he was

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day,

1)  A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) 

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

Dear __________________________,    

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

A guy is in a hotel lobby. He bumps into a lady

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

September 15     

Last name: ________________ First name (check

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

God created the mule, and told him, "You

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our

Recently someone was browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962),

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she