reason

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

mom: "wake up son, it's time for you to go to school."son: "but mom, i don't wanna go to school."mom:

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession."Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday.""Why

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

There were two bums walkin down a road. They both

Why did the chicken cross the road? ââ,¬Â¢

This week, the Bush administration finally released

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

Yo mama is so fat, she's the reason they declared

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

The real reason the administration doesn't want

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

How are politicians like diapers? You have to

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"

A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

This guy goes into a tattoo shop and requests to

Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when

Why is the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health)

When the toilet paper of experience is depleted,

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

A married couple was walking down the street when

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

1. See how many teenage boys you can gather by

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt

Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Did you hear that everyone in Minneapolis quit

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

Three men sat at a bar discussing the Christmas

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street

Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they

What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

Canada, in view of recent events, will be changing

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

What are the top three reasons why it's awful to

To my darling wife: During the past year,

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need

    This is an actual job application

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

   As you grow older, what lost

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

The following letters were taken from an actual

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You

A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

    The Penis requests a promotion

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

Dear __________________________,    

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

How The French Military uniform evolved A long time ago, the British and French were at War. During

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment,

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year ! The Supreme Court has ruled that there

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well,

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Despite how you may have personally felt about the issue, there was a good logical reason for removing

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. WHAT

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

Programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can't find a girlfriend with a good on her , reason