replied

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms,

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw,

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?""I

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter."What are you

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

A married couple was watching the show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Atthe end of the show, the

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.As the couple reflected on

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

Trying to make up for bad behavior, Bill Clinton went to the shopping mall to buy Hillary a gift. "I'd

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession."Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday.""Why

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class: "Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow

John was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"To

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20

A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

An old man and a old woman met at an retirement

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his

A zebra went up to the zookeeper and said, "Am

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train

A snail owned a car and was painting a big letter

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

A man at a retirement home was walking around with

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out

A seismologist, a meteorologist, and a fireman

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband. The

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was a little girl named Fufu. She went

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

A bunch of Saddam Hussein's body doubles were waiting

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

There was an old couple sitting at a table. The

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and

James was on the beach, and could not understand

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far

There was a competition to cross the English channel

There was a couple who did not want their children

One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said,

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During

At a news conference, a journalist said to the

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when

Recently, I was at a professional football game

A husband is at home watching a football game when

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said,

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked,

One day, an old lady went to the store to get some

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

Two retired professors were vacationing with their

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

A woman was visiting an Indian reservation one

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

Joke from our friends in India... Once as Laloo

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

Cinderella was having her period and couldn't go

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

On the first day of school, a teacher asked her

POST GAME DISCUSSION Two Rams fans were standing

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of

Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side

During his campaign, George W. Bush and his advisors

A reporter remarked to George W. Bush: "It must

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night.

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband

A mother goes to visit her daughter. She walks

There once was this group of strange beings called

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

A couple had been married for a long time, but

A blonde walked up to a man and said, “Give

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

A private was serving duties at his barracks in

The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous,

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

A man had a habit of buying things immediately

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

An American cowboy was traveling in England and

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and

There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks

A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some

As usual, things were not going well at the United

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by

A woman went into a department store and told the

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex

A boy was at a public pool. The lifeguard blew

Ken and Bruce were very bored and very gay. Suddenly

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing

There were three pregnant women sitting together.

The patient sat there looking ill and asked, ''Flu?''

A lady walked into a bar and there were no seats

A fellow strolled up to a lady at the bar and introduced

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

A boy told his mom, "I couldn't sleep last night

A little boy came home from school one day and

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

One day a government worker was digging through

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian

"Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie

There was a guy on a golf course that he had never

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

There was a guy that was stranded on an island.

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

Back in the days of cowboys and Indians, toilet

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man

One guy had three balls, so he went to the doctor.

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

There was a cowboy and an Indian riding through

A man went to the doctor to get a physical. After

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking.

Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her if she

Billy was 14 and just started jerking off. He loved

One upon a time there was a town with a new church

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

After World War II, an American soldier was going

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair

There were these two guys working late in a morgue,

The preacher was very distraught after the death

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

A guy went to the doctor to quit smoking, and the

A reverend was walking in a big city park, when

There was a contruction worker who was working

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

A man asked God how much a million dollars was

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book

Joe was asked at work if he was getting any on

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

A married couple was walking down the street when

The was a man named George who got a new job.

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all

One day there were four people absent from class.

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a

A reporter heard that a farmer had animals that

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

A blonde came home from school one day and said

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

One day as President Clinton was getting off the

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

One day a little girl came running into her house

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

A woman woke up in the middle of the night and

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course. ''I've

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

There was a couple who did not want their children

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

A prostitute on the street was approached by a

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke

A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room

Mr. Jones was an old man with Alzheimer's who lived

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A lady went to a plastic surgeon to see what he

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

A man walked into the doctor's office and said,

One day there were two men walking down a dirt

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after

A nun was telling some other nuns about how she

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

There was this guy named John that went to heaven.

There once was a man named Joe and he was talking

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

Once a man saw a board outside his friend's office

One night a robber broke into a home and heard

Two old people hit it off at a singles bar. After

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A dwarf and a normal woman met at a party. The

These two persons are discussing whether the state

A Russian couple were walking down a street in

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

Two guys were working for the city. One would

This is actually a true story that happened to

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates

An Amish couple had just been married and had gone

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

"Your dog is pretty dirty," Mrs. Trupin said to

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an

A farmer walked into a bar with a horse. He said,

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

At a recent rally Bob Dole was asked if he wore

The young fellow was about to be married and was

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

One day, shortly after having her ninth baby, the

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

It was this little girl's first day of school and

Three college students were in England and were

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

There was a man once that was always talking about

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

Jeremy and Kris are walking down the street and

A newlywed couple were on their honeymoon and were

There was an old lady walking down the streets

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

There was this pot-head walking down a road when

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, “Why

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

A man came home from work to find his girlfriend

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

A couple, who had been married for years, were

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

There were three men working at the top of a building.

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired

After the church service, a little boy told the

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

A man was walking through a wealthy neighborhood

A couple took their young son for his first visit

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

At a southern university, students in the psychology

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting

Two engineering students were walking across campus

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

One day the pre-school teacher said, “We're

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

A family was having some people to dinner. At

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    For the first time in many years,

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

A young lady was standing in front of a shoe store

There was this couple who had been married for

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

    The curator of a Western art

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

    A fireman came from work one

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

The headwaiter of a five-star, elegant restaurant

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

These two eggs had just been married and were on

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

    Every night after dinner, Merle

    One morning, while she was making

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

A woman came up behind her husband while he was

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

A girl from New York and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength.

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. "Just to establish

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He

An Englishman A Scotsman and an Irishman are all setting in a bar in New York discussing about how

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A lady went to the bar on a cruise ship, and ordered a Scotch, with two drops of water. The bartender

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see.

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers,

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all living creatures on Earth to die. To sort things

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed. One man's request

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

A blonde was shopping at Walmart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

Last summer John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted

Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

A touchy-CNN reporter, while interviewing a Marine sniper asked, "What do you feel when you shoot

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica,

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? So

The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he asked, "are these

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if

A 57-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better... I have an 18-year old bride who is

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

Shortly thereafter Jesse Jackson went to a Sears and started raising all kinds of hell in the appliance

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers. He

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dreaded disorder

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class "What part of your body do you think

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing

She married and had 11 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again,

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. "You need to make sure this dog

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately,

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Scotsman were out at the beach. Suddenly they spied a beautiful mermaid

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker.

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

A girl from Louisiana and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

A science teacher asked her students "Children, if you could own one mineral what would it be? one

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr.

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed,

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny,"

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to ride

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different

On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Three old men are discussing their sex lives. The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had

Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor. "Doctor I think I

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years and in the back forty it had a nice pond,

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all,

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there

A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal. "What's your dog's name?"

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

The tourist was admiring the Indian's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth,"

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains when Tonto stops suddenly, climbs down, and puts his

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower.

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

Seems this hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president,Mr. Smith called him into his office.He

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

A fellow comes to confession. "Father," he said, "forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asked,

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

A brunette went to the doctors. "Doctor," she said. "Help me. I hurt all over." "Sit down," said

Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day. My husband kidded him, asking how many birds

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony,

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

The teacher asked little Johnny, "What's two and two?". He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said,

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk,

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said,

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

"I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash,"

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. "I

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and